Saturday, May 10, 2014

Sucky Cinema Saturday: The Red Skulls

Today's Sucky Cinema Saturday selection is a gang flick from 2005 titled The Red Skulls.

Can anyone help me? I need to pee!
The Red Skulls was written, directed, and produced by the Campbell Brothers. Andrew and Luke Campbell also star in the film. According to IMDB, the flick was shot in Kent, Ohio for $5,000.

I don't know if I believe that 5k business... the denim jackets in this movie alone would have cost at least 2 or 3 thousand. That doesn't leave much scratch for the rest of the production.

The Campbell Brothers decided to allow a poor, confused man who wondered away from the local nursing home to introduce the movie.

I always like for my movies to start with a slightly more mobile version of Stephen Hawking introducing the movie and telling me how hardcore it's gonna be.

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The movie starts with the Little Rascals... I mean, the Red Skulls, at a funeral for one of their fallen comrades. The leader of the Skulls, Uri, decides he is tired of grooming his mutton chops and tells the 2nd in command, Lester, he is leaving the gang. Lester watches Uri walk off into the sunset but vows two things... 1) he will trick Uri into returing to the Skull and 2) he implies that he will kill anyone that tries to walk away from the gang.

Pick one, Lester. You can't kill Uri and return him to the gang... or can you?

I don't want to ruin the surprise should you decide that your life would be poorer for not looking this flick up and consuming as much of it as you can. I will tell you that there are cannibalistic mutants in this movie. I don't recognize them as undead zombie, but call 'em what you will.

Now, on with the pummeling of The Red Skulls as an entity.

This is one confused gang. They've got chubby guys with neck-beards, confused dudes with 80s haircuts that might have been kicked out of the Boys Club for wearing princess dresses, and a guy that looks like a cast member from West Side Story. The Red Skulls do have one unifying factor. They all wear new denim jackets.

Without their jackets they actually look like members of the band My Chemical Romance.

Bad ass leader of the Red Skulls.

I mean, really? The Red Skulls are supposed to be this hard ass gang, but they look like a bunch of rag-tag rejects that were kicked out of other gangs for being too soft.These guys have suburban angst written all over them.

My Chemical Romance.
The Red Skull's mannerisms remind me of the time I was staying at a Ramada Inn in Daytona Beach. A high school soccer team was staying in the same hotel. These junior hooligans took every chance they could find to cause some minor menace. After someone discovered their chaos they would practically admit guilt by giggling like 3rd grade girls. That, my friends, sums up the Red Skulls, the gore gang of the mythical town of Bronston.

Would I recommend this movie? Well, I've spent the entire length of this review trash talking the movie... but that's just a little well meant ribbing.

Sure the dialogue is terrible and the acting is worse, but I respect the Campbell Brothers for even attempting to make this movie. When you read the credits you get a feel (by the names of the various Skull members) that they knew their gang looked like a hodgepodge of styles and periods. They did it on purpose.

A rival gang!
The biggest problem I have with The Red Skulls is this... it's not really entertaining. It has moments of charm but for the most part... it's a snooze-fest. The scenes last a little too long. The music is a little too loud. A lot of littles amount to a big NO.

The Campbell Brothers could have made a much better short film but I suppose the allure of going feature is too appealing, not to mention lucrative. No one is in the market to buy short films. But you put enough crappy musical montage filler in your short and viola! A feature! Just slap a slick cover on the DVD cover and you've got something to vend via Redbox, sell at Amazon, and stream with VOD!

Things make more sense now. All the gangs are trying to be silly.

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