Saturday, May 17, 2014

Sucky Cinema Saturday: Friday the 13th: A Nude Beginning

Today I am taking Sucky Cinema Saturday to a literal level by looking at the Amber Lynn porn parody Friday the 13th: A Nude Beginning. As always, I will conduct myself with the utmost taste and regard for your well being. I will not show direct nudity or hardcore sex.

I thought I owed it to you, the readers, to look everywhere for potential entertainment. I found that entertainment in the 80s adult movie starlet Amber Lynn. Amber was previously discussed on October 9, 2013 during the Horrorthonpalooza review of Things . I know this is supposed to be a review of this dreadful movie, but I would rather talk about Amber for a paragraph or two. She is more interesting plus it gives me an opportunity to add pictures of Amber to this review.

Amber was born in Orange County, California on September 3, 1964. Which for those of you counting it up on your fingers right now that makes her a very ripe age of 49. While I don't consider 49 all that old - it certainly is for the porn industry. I think she still looks pretty darn hot for her age. I am not a fan of fake breasts but I guess I am a minority.

Amber's parents got a divorce when she was young and afterwards it was discovered that her father had a second family. This caused her mother to have a nervous breakdown and Lynn was placed in foster care where she was abused. At 7 she was reunited with her mother. Unfortunately, Lynn's mother died in an car accident. Amber was with her mother at the time.

Amber went to live with her father and his second family. Amber was the only girl among 8 boys. At age 11 her father died from complications due to alcoholism. When her body began to develop she relocated to Hollywood and went from doing fitness modeling and hot body contests to posing for men's magazines. She met Ginger Lynn, who was already in porn, and decided to take advantage of her looks in the sex industry. Actually, I am not certain how she entered the sex business. Some of the articles said that she befriended Larry Flynt's then girlfriend, Althea Leasure, and somehow Althea introduced her to porn producers. Flynt is the owner of Hustler magazine.

I always thought Amber Lynn chose her porn name because of her resemblance to Ginger Lynn. However, in doing research for this I discovered that Ginger Lynn's real name is Ginger Lynn Allen... and Amber's real name is Laura Lynn Allen.

Her brother, Buck Adams, was also a porn actor. They decided to keep it a secret until they discovered they were booked in a sex scene together.

For those who think of Amber in a harsh light because of her profession I would like to share this Wikipedia blurb:
"In 1992, Lynn dedicated her 28th birthday party at the Bel Age hotel in Beverly Hills, California to a benefit in honor of The Youth Aids Foundation of Los Angeles, an organization providing housing and assistance for helping runaways get off the streets and teenagers afflicted with HIV, which was about to go under. An August 1992 issue of The Los Angeles Times quoted her statement on page two: "Let's give them food, clothing and shelter and we'll worry about role models later", alongside a shot of her dressed in a formal gown, holding a small infant girl. This was a breakthrough moment for how the adult industry was viewed by the mainstream concerning its crossover involvement in children's organizations, as never before had a children's organization knowingly accepted support from the adult entertainment industry".

Now, about the movie. I wish I read the back of the box before I decided to dedicate my time to watching Friday the 13th: A Nude Beginning. I really thought I was going to watch a horror theme porn. Instead, I watched a cheesy 80s porn with big hair and bigger fake breasts.

If I had to guess... this pic of Amber was taken in the 80s.

The opening sequence features Jason (Paul Thomas) wearing a hockey mask. I think he is cutting out the pictures from the pages of an adult magazine in this scene. Whatever he is doing makes Justine, his on screen sister (Amber), angry enough to challenge him to a duel of debauchery.

This suddenly seems more like Dangerous Liaisons than any Friday the 13th movie I've ever watched.

Sorry for the bad quality. Believe it or not, this movie was not exactly easy to find and my copy is less than stellar.

For those of you dying to know more about the technical aspects here goes... The film's title is Friday the 13th aka Friday the 13th: A Nude Beginning. Since it really has little to do with the Friday the 13th franchise I imagine they can call it... Friday the 13th. It's hard to trademark a date, especially if your film does not impose a direct infringement. The movie was made in 1987, so this was two years before porn makers could directly rip something off and escape penalty due to the Fair Use Parody laws.

The director is Fred J. Lincoln. He is credited with directing 310 smut flicks. This includes the sequel, Friday the 13th Part 2: The Next Generation. I am of the opinion that if you can't come up with a good name for your copy cat porn... don't bother. Just call it Jerky Worky 7.

Lincoln has an interesting in with the horror crowd (besides ripping on names). He played Weasel Podowski in Wes Craven's 1972, The Last House of the Left. He can be heard on the DVD commentary track.

The stars of the movie are: (Females) Aleena Ferari, Alexis White, Amber Lynn, Nikki Knights, Nina Hartley, and Paula Winters. (Males) Billy Dee, Joey Silvera, John Leslie, and Paul Thomas.
I have gone this far so I might as well include:

Scene Breakdowns
Scene 1. Aleena Ferari, Paul Thomas
Scene 2. Nikki Knight, John Leslie
Scene 3. Amber Lynn, Joey Silvera
Scene 4. Alex White, Paula Winters, Joey Silvera
Scene 5. Nina Hartley, Paul Thomas
Scene 6. Amber Lynn, Nina Hartley
Scene 7. Nina Hartley, Billy Dee

That's about it. I could talk about the plot... but I have already explained it more or less. It has more story than modern gonzo web porn but I doubt anyone will be writing their thesis on any of Fred Lincoln's smut movies any time soon.

Would I recommend this movie? Well, that depends on why you want to watch it. From the viewpoint of a porno, I suppose it lives up to the necessary expectations. It has dudes and it has gals and they get naked and do stuff. From a level of entertainment outside the hardcore sex...  Not so much. It is amusing for a while but then it's fairly predictable. If you know what I mean. Wink!

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